Author: Laura Frank
Have you ever noticed being particularly self-critical during times of distress? You’re not alone! Oftentimes individuals can be much harsher and unkind toward themselves compared to others. This can result in all sorts of judgments and negative views of the self, which can directly influence one’s wellbeing. Luckily, practicing self-compassion can help us give ourselves the same kindness, care, and understanding we would give to a friend.
But what exactly is self-compassion? Just as the name suggests, self-compassion is a way of relating to the self in a compassionate way during times of personal suffering. This suffering can include personal failures, losses, or other difficulties that arise throughout life. Self-compassion consists of three main components: viewing suffering as a common human experience rather than feeling isolated by one’s imperfections, taking a stance of self-kindness versus self-judgment during times of distress, and being mindful of suffering rather than over-identifying with it. These elements are invoked through exercises that take various forms, such as guided meditations, thought experiments, and writing prompts.
Like any other skill, self-compassion takes practice. Dr. Kristen Neff, one of the world’s leading experts on self-compassion and founder of Self-Compassion.Org, has designed the following brief exercises that can help you get started practicing self-compassion in your own life!
Exercise 1: Self-Compassion Break
This audio guided exercise allows for direct practice of the three main components of self-compassion and is around 5 minutes in length
Exercise 2: How Would You Treat a Friend?
This is a written exercise that can easily be done on a scratch piece of paper or in an electronic note app. Write out the answers to the following questions:
1) Think about times when a close friend was feeling bad about themselves or was struggling in some way. How would you respond to your friend in these situations (especially when you are at your best)? What would you do or say? What tone would you communicate this in?
2) Think about times when you were feeling bad about yourself or struggling in some way. How do you typically respond to yourself in this situation? What do you do or say? What tone do you communicate this in?
3) Did you notice a difference between your answer to question 1 and your answer to question 2? If so, ask yourself, why? What factors or fears come into play that lead you to treat yourself and others differently?
4) Write down how you think things might change if you responded to yourself in the same way you typically respond to a close friend when they’re suffering.
For more exercises, audio practices, and information on self-compassion please visit https://self-compassion.org/.
Sources:
Germer, C. & Neff, K. D. (2019). Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC). In I. Itvzan (Ed.) The handbook of mindfulness-based programs: Every established intervention, from medicine to education (pp. 357-367). London: Routledge.
Neff, K.D. (n.d.). Self-compassion guided practices and exercises. Self-compassion. https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#guided-meditations