Author: Mallory Inselberg, M.A.
Struggling with self-confidence and self-esteem is very common. Many people struggle with self-doubt which then leads to self-criticism. This then contributes to our self-perception. A negative self-perception can negatively affect your life, including your education, your career, your relationships and friendships, and your health. Below are some helpful suggestions on how to boost your self-confidence and self-esteem.
- Identify the condition or situation that makes you feel bad or down about yourself. Common triggers include
- A school or work presentation.
- A crisis at home or at work.
- A challenge with a significant other, a relative, or a friend.
- A change in your environment or situation, such as a loss of a loved one, a difficult move, or new job.
- Become aware of any negative beliefs or thoughts. Once you have identified a challenging condition or situation, be mindful of the thoughts you have about either the condition or the situation.
- This includes your self-talk, your interpretation of what it means, and your response to the event. Your thoughts may be positive, negative, or neutral and they can be rational and based on facts or irrational and based on false ideas.
- Ask yourself if these beliefs are true and if you should say these beliefs to a friend. If you would not say them to a friend then do not say them to yourself.
- Challenge inaccurate or negative beliefs or thoughts.
- Your initial thoughts might not be the only way to view a situation. So, test the accuracy of your thoughts by considering whether your thinking is consistent with facts or if other possible explanations of the situation are plausible.
- This can be really challenging to do, so familiarize yourself with common patterns that contribute to low self-confidence and self-esteem.
- All-or-nothing thinking. You see things as either all good or all bad. For example, “If I don’t succeed in this task, I’m a total failure.”
- Mental filtering. You see negatives and dwell on them. For example, “I made a mistake on that report and now everyone will realize I’m incompetent.”
- Converting positives into negatives. You reject achievements by insisting that they don’t count. For example, “I only did well on that test because it was so easy.”
- Jumping to negative conclusions. You reach a negative conclusion when little or no evidence supports it. For example, “My friend hasn’t answered my text, so I must’ve made her angry.”
- Mistaking feelings for facts. You confuse feelings or beliefs with facts. For example, “I feel like a failure, so I must be a failure.”
- Negative self-talk. You undervalue yourself or put yourself down. For example, “I don’t deserve anything better.”
- Adjust your thoughts and your beliefs. Replace negative or inaccurate thoughts with constructive and accurate thoughts.
- Use hopeful statements. Treat yourself with kindness and be encouraging.
- Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes — and mistakes are not permanent reflections on you as a person.
- Avoid ‘should’ and ‘must’ statements. If your thoughts are full of these words, you might be putting unreasonable pressure on yourself.
- Focus on the positive. Think about the parts of your life that work well. Consider the skills you have used to cope with challenging situations.
- Consider what you have learned. If it was a negative experience, what might you do differently the next time to create a more positive outcome?
- Re-label upsetting thoughts. You do not need to react negatively to negative thoughts. Instead, think of negative thoughts as signals to try new, healthy patterns.
- Encourage yourself. Give yourself credit for making positive changes.
By recognizing what you are capable of, building positive and meaningful relationships, being kind to yourself, understanding your boundaries and limits, and asserting your needs and wants, you can achieve all that you are capable of. Building your self-confidence and self-esteem takes practice, so treat yourself positively!
References:
Better Health Channel. (2014, August 21). Self-esteem. Better Health Channel. https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/self-esteem
Burton, N. (2015, October 19). Self-confidence versus self-esteem. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201510/self-confidence-versus-self-esteem
Child Mind Institute. (2022). Confidence and self-esteem in children. Child Mind Institute. https://childmind.org/topics/confidence-and-self-esteem/
Mayo Clinic. (2020, July 14). Self-esteem: Take steps to feel better about yourself. Mayo Clinic. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374